This quote was given to me in 1999, when I was in a psychiatric clinic for nine months, but that is a story for another time. I would add to this quote; “…and loneliness becomes safety”
When I heard the quote everything made sense to me.
At the time I was struggling terribly with anxiety, panic attacks and I was desperately trying to make sense out of life. I felt like I was trapped in my own body and I wanted to run away from it constantly, but there is no hiding from being alive, it was an agonising time.
My psychiatrist at the time was an amazing woman, she had a passion for figuring out the human mind and with that she also was very attentive during our sessions where she would lay out my issues in simple quotes.
For some reason she understood that this was all I needed to make sense out of things, as too many words would only confuse me more.
This particular quote would later adorn my wall in a corner of my living room where I would look at it every time I was struggling again.
The question was always; “ How do I give freedom to feelings?”
As feelings confuse us more than anything, it makes things more complicated then it should, once we understand that feelings are nothing else but that….Feelings. The problem lies within judging the feelings, becoming the feelings or identifying with these feelings of discomfort.
The feeling of being trapped in a dark pit of emptiness and all of a sudden realising that once I do not judge the feelings of suffering, I won’t become them either, therefore, you surrender to them as just being there but keep your mind focused on daily routine.
It is really hard to do that in the beginning, cause the nagging feelings kept haunting me and I really wanted to judge them, feel pity for myself or just throw a temper tantrum of how horrible life is. We all know that feeling.
As soon we give into it, the ego kicks in and we let ourselves be dragged in that agonising suffering.
I would then question whom I would throw the temper tantrum for as I would be alone most of the time anyway. Then I realised I was feeding the feelings even more by doing that.
My ego would love the attention of giving into this agonising self-pity.
It’s like having a war with two persons that both represent you.
Everything becomes a choice at this point.
Am I going to give that ego what it wants? Who is that ego part of me anyway?
That ego part is my 3D self, as I call it now.
But my higher self has much better plans for me. A life without suffering, with new wisdom and a lot of teachings along the way.
And so I started the hard lesson of not giving in to the feelings. I knew they were there but I would do my best not to judge them, I also was learning that they were there to give me a lesson.
The more these feelings kept taunting me , the more I realised there was a lesson to learn out of this.
So, what is the lesson?
Often it is related to our self worth, fears, insecurities and such, but whatever it is, I now dive into them every time.
The more I analyse, question and “innerstand” them, the easier it becomes. However, while doing that, these agonising and taunting feelings kept resurfacing to the point that I tended to give into that ego part as it felt much easier to deal with than being in constant focus and analysing the problem at hand.
And that is how we keep running in circles over and over again, no matter the issue.
This quote has a deeper meaning to it, though.
Reading it makes you feel the feelings and surrender to what is, therefore, you’re not judging them and, instantly, this other feeling of spaciousness envelopes you for that brief moment when you realise the meaning of “giving freedom to feelings”.
At least that is how it worked for me.
It is all about feeling the meaning of the quote, rather than trying to analyse it.
Maybe the best way to describe it is to see it as a “transmission”. It just hits you without analysing it. But then, once it hits you ,the task is to apply it to your life. Quotes are so helpful as they constantly remind us on how life works and to bring us back on the path of healing again
We could say that quotes are little reminders that quickly bridge the gap from confusion to clarity.
Eventually, everything comes down to surrendering and choosing to surrender to it, as the battle between the ego and higher self is a tough one but not impossible, as long we are willing to work with it. This particular quote has been a bridge to get me back to healing every time I got lost in the woods of confusion.
– Keystone’s Philosophy –
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